Family Man

Last night we watched Family Man with Nicholas Cage. I am not normally one to contemplate movies. I watch it, think "nice movie" and I'm done. This movie is different. Jack Campbell (Nicholas Cage) is a very successful Wall Street executive who wakes up one morning to a glimpse at what his life could have been had he not taken an internship in London and had he married his college sweetheart. Jack struggles with suddenly being a "family man." He is pulled between the desire for "success" and his family.

I am living the "glimpse" of his life. I made the choice not to go to "London" (Physical Therapy school) and I married my college sweetheart. Like Jack and Kate, our has definitely had disappointments (job losses, health issues, etc). Yet, like them I am content with the love and memories my family provides. I do not need a Wall Street career, or even a professional one. I am a multi-billionaire when it comes to the success of having a wonderful loving husband, two adorable children, and friends and family who love and support me.

Challenge: Are you living the wall street life? Or are you living the glimpse? Like Jack, what is it that you NEED?

Snow

As I gaze through the frosted window at the icy snow covered earth, I ponder my life. The brilliant cleanliness of untouched snow covers all the filth that lies beneath. The filth remains unseen and festering below while the beauty of pristine crystals cause the sunlight to dance. I sometimes feel like snow-covered earth. While on the outside others see me as "beautiful," my thoughts and actions are like the rotting trash in my backyard. A pretty smile and kind words may cover the ugliness inside, but they do not remove it.

Challenge: What is some of the trash in your life that is being covered up? How can it be removed?

Justification, Procrastination, Excuses

So, it's been more than a month since I blogged. So much for my promises that I'd spend 10 minutes a day doing this. I have many excuses as to why I haven't, many being justified. I've procrastinated like crazy on this and so many other things. We all do it, don't we? But I guess the important thing is that I keep trying.

Here' one of my greatest justifications that I came up with though. I've spent the past 4 days working 10-12 hours a day writing a paper. So, by my calculations 10 hours X 4 days X 60 mins/hour = 2400 minutes. That's 240 days of writing, so I've more than covered my sins of the past several months, right?

Justifications don't do much other than make us feel better about ourselves. Sure, I did do a lot of writing, good writing in the last several days. But does it leave my mark? My story?

Challenge: What are you justifying to make yourself feel better?

Barricades and unintended messages

This barricade stood outside of the administration building of the college where I spent a month at the Summer Institute for Intercultural Communication. When I first saw the barricade, I was struck by the irony of it. “American Barricade” is the company name. However, to me it says so much more. I won’t go into all the details of what I thought, but the important thing is the sign communicated to me something that was not intended. This is the complexity of communication. Like the childhood game of Broken Telephone Wire, sometimes the message we are sending is not what is received.

I am also reminded of a former co-worker. She is a lovely, caring lady. Yet, she often comes across as rude. At one time I mentioned to her how her actions in a situation had been perceived and she was astounded. She had no idea of how others saw her.

This former co-worker and the American Barricade make me stop to think. How do others see me? Am I sending a message that I don’t intend to send?

Challenge What might you be communicating to others that you don’t mean to? What is your sign saying?

Powerless

One of my best friends calls me a control freak, just like her. While I may not agree with her that I’m a control freak, I will admit that I like to know what is going on. I don’t have to have control, but I want to know that someone has control. Today I received news that one of my friends has gone missing in the Glacier National Park . I feel powerless. There is nothing I can do. I don’t have control and it seems that no one does. Park rangers can’t find any signs of him on the trails. I am frustrated. My first instinct was to turn to food, but I was so upset that I was nauseated. But then, I begin to feel peace. Because I know that even though I don’t have power or other humans around me do not, that there is a higher power that does have control. So, I hope and pray for the outcome to be a good one.

Challenge What do you turn to when you feel you have no control?

Life Plans

Watching the 2008 Beijing Olympics has caused me to reminisce about my life plans. I remember first watching the Olympics in 1984. I loved to watch the synchronized swimmers. They were so graceful. However, my all time favorite Olympian is Zola Budd. As I watched her run barefoot, I thought to myself, “I’m going to be the next Zola Budd!” Perhaps I related to her so well because I grew up in South Africa and ran barefoot until I came to the U.S. when I was forced to wear shoes. Now, twenty-four years later, I sit on my coach, 35+ pounds overweight, with absolutely no hopes of ever winning an Olympic medal. There is a small part of me that is sad that this childhood dream will never be realized. As kids we are told we can do anything. Oh, wait, there’s more to that, IF we work hard and set our mind to it. After coming to the U.S., I never worked hard to realize this dream.

However, the biggest part of me is not sad that I’m not sweating in the Beijing heat, tearing my body to pieces. I am so content to have a wonderful husband who works hard to provide a beautiful home and the opportunity to stay at home with our most beautiful and adorable children. Beyond the Olympic dream, life has not turned out how I planned. It has turned out better in many, many ways. I have so much to be thankful. I could not have planned my life to turn out like this. I have learned over the last 7 years that I can make plans, but I must be ready for a surprise that’s always going to be better than I planned.

Challenge: Are you trying to control your life so much that you can’t enjoy it? Relax. Plan, but be ready for the surprises.

Junk

This evening I was clearing out my email box. I literally had hundreds of junk emails that I had saved: notifications from Netflix saying they had sent or received a movie, emails from a website for mothers that I never read, and Facebook notifications saying that Joe Shmoe has added me as a friend. The list goes on. I keep everything regardless of whether or not I will ever read it again. Why? Because some day I MIGHT need it! This habit carries over into my paper files too. I have clutter everywhere to the point that I can’t function sometimes. Then I finally get tired of it all and throw everything away. Then, of course, the very next week I do need something that I have trashed. This then reiterates my need to cling to everything. But, I survive even without that one thing I needed and am much happier in a clutter-free environment. I can find things easier and am not weighted down by the junk. I can breathe again!

Challenge: What are you holding onto that you need to release?